This is often the first sentence I hear in my work as an Attraction Coach.
Failed marriages are usually bad marriages, and bad marriages can take a huge toll on you. First of all there’s your self esteem which usually takes an epic beating. Then there’s usually some trust issues that come along for the ride. Oh and never mind the fact that all of a sudden you aren’t as ‘prime’ as you once were in your younger years before the marriage. The result is that you are left feeling like the dating rules have long ago changed and left you behind.
However, there is a great big silver lining to this cloud. Sure you’re a little older, but you are a lot wiser too. Bad marriages teach you a lot about who you really are and what you really want out of your life. Being newly single can be scary and sometimes lonely, but it’s a great big opportunity to turn a new leaf and learn from those mistakes and get it right this time around.
There are three first steps that every divorcee looking to get into the dating scene should take, to make this transition from a life of security to a life of adventure as smooth as possible.
1) GO CLOTHES SHOPPING
Right now I’m sure the female readers are perking up while the male readers are folding their arms in defiance. Our married clothes are almost always different to our single clothes, we focus more heavily on comfort and functionality in relationships. There is nothing that helps you turn a new leaf in your life than a new set of clothes that have no memories attached, that don’t’ feature in any pictures with your ex, and most of all that make you look and FEEL more attractive than you likely have in years.
We behave differently in a new set of clothes, we can’t help it. We strut a little bit when we wear our sexy jeans, and it’s that strut which makes all the difference to how you feel about yourself and ultimately what the perfect partner is going to feel about you.
2) FIND SINGLE FRIENDS
It’s a fact that most married couples have married friends. Hanging out with these married friends is all fine and well, but their lifestyle is not conducive to your meeting other singles. I highly recommend meetup.com as a place to find some organized meetings with other mostly single people.
3) COMMIT TO CONSISTENCY
When your self-esteem is low, it’s too easy to say “Oh I can’t be bothered going out to meet people, nobody really talks to me anyway”. A challenge that I put to my new clients is always the same – go somewhere where there are lots of singles once a week every week for the next month. Take your single friends. If you don’t feel better after that month than you do right now, then you have successfully proven me wrong. I haven’t been proven wrong yet.
The above three steps may sound obvious, but I haven’t yet had a new client come to me who has taken action on all of them. It’s time for all divorcees to see what a wonderful opportunity they have to re-invent themselves and find a new partner who really ticks all the right boxes and makes you weak at the knees like you haven’t felt in years.
Now go and make all those married friends jealous!