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Do all men have a wandering eye?

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When hubby and I went to pick up our 6-year-son from an after school activity, I had no idea of the impact it would make on our marriage.

The kids were still heavily engaged in the program and several parents stood around watching and waiting. At first, I paid no attention to the young mother in the tight jeans that stood to the left of my husband.  Then, I caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye.

The way she was smiling and looking at him sparked suspicion in me. For the next 10 minutes, I silently observed the two of them subtly flirting with each other as I dutifully stood by his side. I told myself that I was over-reacting but when I saw his eyes follow her to her car, I knew. He was checking her out.

I waited until we were home and dinner was on to confront him. I remained casual as I asked him if he was checking that girl out.

‘What girl?’ he replied.

‘That girl you were checking out,” I said.

‘Ahh, was it that obvious?’ he asked, more disappointed that he had been so obvious, not that I caught him or that he hurt me.

‘Thanks a lot,’ I said I as returned to the kitchen.

After a few minutes, he came up behind me and put his arms around me.  He tried to brush it off with statements like, ‘All men do it’ and ‘I wasn’t flirting with her’.  I felt humiliated.

We live in a small town and the woman works in a shop that we frequent.  I now have to face her knowing that she and my husband shared a moment together, as innocent as it may have been.  I dread running into her.

I didn’t focus on it too much that evening but as the night turned into the next day, I became furious with him and myself for having a reaction at all.

My husband is attractive and fit and I accept that women would want him. He works in an industry that requires him to have close physical contact with his customers and I had to let go of jealousy and fully trust him long ago.

Now, an element of trust is gone. I’m not naive enough to think that he never lusts after women but to do it if front of me? That shocked me but I did not want the indiscretion of his to weigh down our marriage. Even though I was hurt, angry and humiliated, I knew I had to get over it.

The next day, after arriving home from taking our son to school, I confronted him…again. Of course, I worried that he saw her at the school but I didn’t mention that. I did tell him that I was pissed off.  He had a ‘what do you want me to do’ attitude and I knew I was on my own to get myself out of my misery.

I stood at the kitchen bench feeling as if my marriage could plummet if I didn’t reach down and grab hold of it. He was sitting on the 2-seater couch when I walked over and straddled him. I was sure flirting with someone else was strictly about sex. I whispered some expletives and kissed him. He reciprocated.

That session triggered a dormant passion I have for this man. Although I cannot get his hurtful message off my mind, we have been more affectionate and close since the episode.  I just hope he doesn’t think flirting with others is the only way to induce a love fest at home.

Have you ever caught your man looking at another woman. How did you react?

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Jennifer Morton - to view all of Jennifer's blog post click here

Jennifer Morton is a freelance writer, wife and mother. She is obsessed with food, health, wellness and travel and writes about it on her blog Kai Chronicles. She enjoys photography, beaches, skydiving and coffee. Her main goal in life is to overcome fear. She is working on her first novel during the NaNoWriMo challenge in November.

Website: http://www.jennifermortonwriter.com

  • You’ve pretty much described my worst nightmare. While I know that of course everyone looks, I definitely don’t want to know about it. Jennifer from the sounds of things you are deeply in love with your husband and that the situation had a 50 Shades of Grey type outcome, so it’s not all bad news!

    • It’s easy to let your marriage get to the dull stage. The encounter has made me more aware of both of our needs and how important communication (and sex!) is to every intimate relationship. I try to see the value and lesson in every experience presented to me.

  • April Smith

    That’s irritating to me. Everyone does not look. I don’t look at other men. I don’t feel attracted to other men. I don’t desire other men. I don’t see how you can love someone and do that.

    • kookykooka

      Yes, this annoys me too. Although I feel quite alone in this, like no one’s ever be like me in regards to wholehearted fidelity.

      • April Smith

        I feel the same way.

  • Susyq

    My husband does it all the time, we’ve been together 32 yrs and he was always a big flirt but only in the last 5 years or so have I noticed how he stares at other women, usually in their 20’s or 30’s and slim and pretty. He once stared at a women while we were queuing at the airport she was in the queue next to and slightly ahead of us, I noticed her staring and looked at him who was staring straight back at her, they held the stare for 10 mins before I interrupted him, I left it this long to prove a point and so he couldn’t deny it which he always does which just makes me even more angry. We’ve had loads of discussions about it but it’s like getting blood from a stone, I think all men are slightly autistic neanderthals who don’t know how to respect women. We are still together and have a good sex life in general he has never been denied this and I always look good and dress well but I can’t see us being together forever now as I’m losing respect and love for him.

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  • Mariska Oosthuizen

    I’m 29 years old, and my boyfriend does this as well. He stares at women, makes eye contact and keep their gaze. He once checked out a waitress so much that she literally moved to another table just so that he can stop, so he was making her feel uncomfortable. I feel ugly when he does that, and he keeps telling me that I am just insecure. I think I am going to break up with him, and never get married to any man, if this is how men are. I am a red head, and I work out, and keep fit, I may not have huge breasts and I’m quite petitie, but surely I cannot be that ugly for him to do that.

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