Photo credit: Elle Moss
Lack of desire is women’s most common sexual concern. Finally there’s a book that reveals the truth about female libido. In her latest book, Sex drive: In pursuit of female desire, author and sexual anthropologist Dr Bella Ellwood- Clayton, suggests women don’t necessarily have low libidos, it’s rather than woman have a lot of things standing in their way of feeling sexy.
The theory is that women’s creative sensual energy is being directed elsewhere. Ellwood-Clayton suggests “women are having passionate careers, doing passionate parenting and presenting a passionate inducing body”. There is only so much creative energy to apply, and sex can sometimes take a second seat.
Interview with the author
In an interview on ABC’s Radio National that’s well worth listening to, journalist Natasha Mitchelle talks with Ellwood-Clayton about her new book. They discuss a new ironic reality – the sexed up public space, and sexually muted private space.
Here are some key themes and takeouts, as well as well as suggestions on what can be done:
If sensuality has slipped off your list, you aren’t alone
It is recognised by researchers worldwide that once in an established relationship a women’s sex drive plummets.
Parenting causes sexual dissatisfaction
If you are a parent the stats are rather glum and possibly even worse if you have or are planning on having more than one child. Across 90 studies researchers revealed a third of couples have serious sexual loss after you have kids.
Plumage is more important that coupling
There is pressure on women to not only look desirable but to actively desire. In reality the desire to look desirable, is exceeding the desiring itself.
Studies show that poor body image is a contributing factor
An Australian study of women over 70% felt they are too fat to have sex. In the books intro, Bella writes “If advertising got off our backs we may just get on our backs”
Is it really that much of a surprise? Women are very busy these days. Not only should women look desirable but women need to raise the kids, steer our careers, have eco homes and organic dinners on the table.
In a relationship and cashed up and sex poor? Then your classified as a DINS – Double income no sex.
Sex is the new gold
Sexlesss marriages, having sex 10 times a year or less are looked on shamefully. If you are not having sex at least three times a week, the perception is that you are dysfunctional. Bella thinks this is a stamp of achievement if anything.
The key to bringing back sexuality
Women can live in a sexy way at any time. Researchers are finding that there isn’t just one sexual prime. Sexuality doesn’t need to dissipate with age. Women’s pleasures are generally are known to be greater and beyond the genitals. Women can experience an emotional sexual peak relating to spirit, maturity and fluidity with life at any age.
Living your essential life
Living in a way that makes you feel in-tune, vital, excited alive and sexual is key.
The book is an enlightening read and full of fantastic practical ways to get your love life back on track.