The big secret about self confidence

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By Kathryn Hocking

Posted on February 22, 2013

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Think about someone you really admire, someone who seems to have it all together....

Do you think this person is self-confident?

I imagine that you answered yes. And for the most part they probably are. BUT the secret is that no one is self-confident ALL of the time.

People who know me think I’m very self-confident. The truth? Just like anyone else I have self-confidence issues. I even suffer from anxiety from time to time.

I tend to feel most confident when I’m doing what I love and what I am good at, and the least self-confident when I’m not living my purpose or spending time with people I feel aligned to.

The secret about self-confidence is that even people that seem extremely self-confident such as Miranda Kerr have times where they don’t feel that way.

Angelina Jolie who is one of the most confident celebrities I can think of is quoted as saying:

 “I struggle with low self-esteem all the time. I think everyone does”.

So from this we can infer two things:

  •  Self-Confidence is not linked to being physically beautiful because even some of the most beautiful women in the world do not always feel self-confident.
  • You can’t be self-confident 100% of the time, it’s not natural so don’t beat yourself up about it!

Here are three three things you can do right now to start to build your self-confidence:

1 Stop Comparing

Women, especially mothers are the worst at comparing themselves and their children.

As a new mother I recall getting into such a state over comparing my daughters sleep to other babies in my mother’s group, that I found myself surrounded by five different baby sleep books, a page full of notes (all with competing philosophies), and on the phone to the parent’s help-line crying my eyes out.

This was all because I somehow felt there was something wrong with me and my daughter because I compared us to what the so called “experts” and other mothers said.

A much better approach would have been to:

  • Appreciate how alert my daughter was
  • Understand that she needed extra bonding and cuddles after a labour where we were both in danger of not surviving
  • Work with what she and I could manage together as a team.

I don’t believe in having regrets, but I will be doing things differently next time.

So whether you’re comparing your body, your income, or your business to someone else’s, it’s not productive at all.

Instead focus on yourself and your own  qualities. You are not meant to be the same. You are meant to be delightfully unique.

2 Follow your Bliss

I’m a huge believer that self-confidence is inextricably linked to following your bliss, your life purpose, your passions or whatever name you give it.

We are happiest and the most content and confident, when we do things we love.

Following your bliss can apply to choices you make in your career, choosing to start a business, choosing to live somewhere you love, doing yoga classes on the weekend or being a stay at home mum.

Following your bliss means incorporating what you are passionate about and what you feel drawn to do, into your daily life.

My self-confidence and general well-being sky rocketed when I made a decision to follow my bliss and enrol in Life Coaching. Now that I have gone full-time in my business I feel like I can conquer the world – because I am living my life purpose and following my bliss.

3 Take Action

Ever heard the saying “Feel the fear and do it anyway”? The thing about self-confidence is that it responds to action.

I experienced this first hand. As a child I hated jumping off the diving board at the aquatic centre. I was sure I couldn’t do it so was too scared to even try. Eventually though, I decided to dive off the smallest board. And then I did it again, and again and again. Soon I was jumping off the highest diving board.

This applies to anything in your life. Many people find job interviews terrifying, and despite being very unhappy in their jobs, never leave because they don’t want to have to go through interviews. However the more you attend, the better you get at them, and the higher your confidence grows. Funnily enough you get to a point where you can predict most of the questions they will ask.

“It’s often best to do the opposite of what your fear is telling you to do” - Danielle Laporte

Is there an area of your life that you’re lacking confidence in? Why not take one step today towards conquering your fear? You’ll be a more confident person for it.

Would you like help to become more self-confident? Join Kathryn’s Ultimate Self-Confidence for Mums E-Course here.

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Kathryn Hocking.

Kathryn is a Mumpreneur Coach and uses her passion and creativity to inspire, guide and motivate mums to pursue their dream business aspirations. She has been featured in major television and magazine media, is an expert contributor to many online publications and has a range of Mumpreneur workbooks available for sale on her website.

Website: http://www.reveriecoaching.com

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