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Why the day I became selfish was the best thing I ever did (and why you should too)

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So you’re a mum who’s busy taking care of little people.  Maybe it’s only one little person, or maybe it’s more. But they’re little and they really do need your help taking care of them. It’s big work.  In fact, I believe motherhood is the most significant work you’ll ever do.

That said there’s more to you than motherhood.  You want to be able to express yourself and do something meaningful in the world that uses your passions and lights you up.  Plus, you want to be able to financially take care of your family too, and have the freedom to take of them in a way that feels good for you.

So you run your own business or have dreams of setting up your own business one day.  And just like your children, your business needs taking care of too.

But the juggle is challenging. You feel like you live with mother’s guilt all the time.  You deprive yourself of what you truly need because you’re so busy taking care of everyone else’s needs.

This kind of deprivation has got to come to an end. Pronto.

There is nothing admirable or sexy about it. To be completely honest, it serves nobody in the end.  Think about it…you’re depriving yourself of the very life force that is needed for you to be of any value to anyone.

I’ve been there. Deprivation got the better of me three years ago when I experienced a severe burnout and breakdown.  I was 25.  Motherhood was knocking me around. My moods were fluctuating like a freakin’ wild woman. I was feeling torn between the girl I use to be and the woman I had become. I didn’t know who I was anymore.  I would cry for ‘no reason’, and then beat myself up for wanting more.  I convinced myself that I needed to be grateful and content with everything I already had in order for things to get better.

But things didn’t get better being grateful. Instead they got worse.

I became numb.  I began living in a constant state of depression.  There were no more highs and no more lows.  I was just going through the motions.  The worst part of it all, was that I couldn’t even connect with my children.  That was big red flag.

So I did something radical.  I put my health, my happiness and my sanity first by booking myself into a meditation retreat called Vipassana: 10 hours of meditation a day, for 10 whole days. It was here at Vipassana that I finally got back into my body and my deepest truth was finally revealed to me.

This reawakening ignited a deep knowing that it was time to let it all fall apart. And it did, in one big swoop.

Surprisingly, it was an instant relief.  I finally quit fighting so hard to keep it all together,  and instead trusted that I was fully supported (and always would be), and that life would have my back.

I immediately retired from teaching group fitness after eight years, and resigned from my sales and marketing role at the gym.  A few days later I also let go of my five year marriage.

It was a huge shift, and it happened fast but the results were huge.  Suddenly, where there once was confusion there was clarity. Where there was fear, there was love. Where was anger, now there was peace.

The best bit, I felt like I finally come back home to myself.

It’s been three years and I haven’t stopped following this urge to be real, to be true, to be SELFish – in life, love and work.  It really is the only way to be whole and deeply fulfilled.

So from mother to mother, I’m here to say, give yourself permission to take care of yourself – to nourish yourself, to understand yourself, to know yourself, to love yourself and to fully express yourself.

Be selfish and do whatever it takes to be aligned with your healthiest and happiest Self, so you have the energy to keep giving to the people you love and the enthusiasm to keep bringing your unique gifts to the world.

Instead of booking into a mediation retreat for 10 days, I can help you realign yourself with who you really are. I’d like to personally invite you to my online program called SELFISH FOR 27 DAYS where women shamelessly put their health and happiness first.

I have a special offer for CopingwithJane readers – click here to continue reading. Selfish 2013 squareOffer expires on 9pm, Monday 6th May 2013.

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Susana Frioni - to view all of Susana's blog post click here

Susana Frioni is helping women follow the urge to be real in life, love and work through her live events & retreats, private coaching and weekly yoga classes based in Brisbane. She’s also the creator of Selfish for 27 days, an online program where women shamelessly put their health and happiness first.


  • Sarah McKay

    Love this Jane & Susana – You guys rock! And, just the advice I’ve been needing lately… I happily preach it to others, but forget to *do* it too. x